Dating gay handicaped persons

18-Nov-2019 05:41

The fact I'm disabled doesn't mean I can't also be a fucking arsehole sometimes." Wider acts of societal caregiving – the kind that is needed and wanted – however, are under threat, he says.He mentions cuts to benefits and social care for people with disabilities. But there is something else that surfaces, something less obvious, less visible, and which entwines with sexuality."LGBT people spend a lot more time working on the acceptance of their own identities before they come out," he says.But preconceptions around bisexuality and disability pervade, and, says Willis, the gay scene is no less full of unhelpful attitudes."If you're disabled, people think it's their right to know how you're disabled, why, or how it happened: 'What's wrong with you?'" Bouncers, he says, ask his friends as they're entering a club, "Is your mate going to be alright? Or, he says, grinning, "more drunk than I actually am".

Whichever he uses, before meeting anyone, there is something he always does: comes out about having a disability."I've never had the courage not to say anything about my disability, even if it's 30 seconds before we meet, I'd send a message: 'Just so you know, I walk with a stick, I have a disability.' The reason I do that is because it puts it there: Here's my issue, deal with it or fuck off." He looks down.

Another man on Grindr sent the following message: "Oh my god, I've never slept with a bisexual person before! "In day-to-day life," he says, "bisexuality is invisible, so one side of my identity is invisible – although often hyper-sexualised – and on the other side there is this very visible physical disability, but disabled people are desexualised." Willis works at an organisation for people with disabilities, and walks with a stick.

His particular version of cerebral palsy is called spastic diplegia, which affects the mobility of muscles in the legs and pathways between those muscles and the brain. He sways a bit, he stoops a little, and this is progress.

"Whereas less time and resources is put towards helping disabled people accept their identities.

The spark of the LGBT movement was about 'Accept me for who I am'.

Whichever he uses, before meeting anyone, there is something he always does: comes out about having a disability."I've never had the courage not to say anything about my disability, even if it's 30 seconds before we meet, I'd send a message: 'Just so you know, I walk with a stick, I have a disability.' The reason I do that is because it puts it there: Here's my issue, deal with it or fuck off." He looks down.

Another man on Grindr sent the following message: "Oh my god, I've never slept with a bisexual person before! "In day-to-day life," he says, "bisexuality is invisible, so one side of my identity is invisible – although often hyper-sexualised – and on the other side there is this very visible physical disability, but disabled people are desexualised." Willis works at an organisation for people with disabilities, and walks with a stick.

His particular version of cerebral palsy is called spastic diplegia, which affects the mobility of muscles in the legs and pathways between those muscles and the brain. He sways a bit, he stoops a little, and this is progress.

"Whereas less time and resources is put towards helping disabled people accept their identities.

The spark of the LGBT movement was about 'Accept me for who I am'.

The same partner said Willis would never cheat on him because he has a disability."That was wrong," says Willis, his solemn expression giving way to a smirk, "because I did cheat on him."Despite this passing flash of glee, the pain of these remarks colours Willis's present – with both sex and dating.