Invalidating your feelings

18-Feb-2020 10:57

When we think of what we can do to nurture our relationship, we often think of tangibles. Perhaps it was a caring teacher in grade school who seemed to know exactly the right thing to say when you were upset.

Think back to a time when you remember feeling really understood.

Temporarily let go of the need to advise, change, help or fix the situation.There are a few key components to help guide your conversations. Mindful listening is the first component of validation.This means you really pay attention to what your partner is saying.When you share a validating style of interacting together, you build trust and intimacy. While the concept of validation may seem simple, it can sometimes be a little tricky to execute.Imagine your partner comes home and tells you they are furious because they found out they need to work over the holiday weekend. Many of us would feel protective of our spouse, or upset at the situation, and have the natural urge to try to help or fix the situation.

Temporarily let go of the need to advise, change, help or fix the situation.There are a few key components to help guide your conversations. Mindful listening is the first component of validation.This means you really pay attention to what your partner is saying.When you share a validating style of interacting together, you build trust and intimacy. While the concept of validation may seem simple, it can sometimes be a little tricky to execute.Imagine your partner comes home and tells you they are furious because they found out they need to work over the holiday weekend. Many of us would feel protective of our spouse, or upset at the situation, and have the natural urge to try to help or fix the situation.Rather than trying to cheer your partner up, you allow them space to be upset. For instance, say that you go to see a movie together. You can also show validation with non-verbals, such as giving them a hug if they feel lonely, making them a cup of tea if they feel jittery, or giving them space if they need time to think.